I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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