Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
