can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
