I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
