One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
