Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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