his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
