I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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