maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
