i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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