i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
