Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
