We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
