he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
