Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize