It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
