I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
