i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize