I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
