What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
