I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
