No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
