I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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