Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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