Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
