maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
