Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
