Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
