Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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