You really coming over, don't trick.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How does one acquire holy water?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize