I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
