I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
