Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
