Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
