never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
