I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
