She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
