It's like a parade of train wrecks.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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