I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
