btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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