great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
