Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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