This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
