I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
