i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
