goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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