I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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