mondays should just be called national damage control day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
