I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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