I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
