I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sext me about skeletons
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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