Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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