I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
don't judge my taste in strippers
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My vagina is officially offended.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
