C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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