I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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