I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
