just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
