People in love make me want to vomit
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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