Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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