I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found your dick twin last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
