I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
