you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
