just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
