New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
