I puked a lego.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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