why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
