i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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